Broken to be Strong, a Blessing in Disguise
“I wish I could experience that too,” a phrase that I utter every time I see a family, bonding together, filled with love and joy within their circle. As a product of a broken family, I must say this would be the greatest wish I have ever wanted to experience that will never happen. It’s just sad but it is what it is. It hits differently every time I witness families who live in harmony as they love and care for one another.
As I walk through the streets and wander around places, there will always be a time when I crave a complete family. I can’t avoid but imagine how happy I am to be in a situation where I want to be. What is the feeling? Is it great? I admit I am jealous of my friends or of those people I encounter having their families complete. They were just lucky enough to be blessed with a so-called “home.
”Do I deserve this? ? Why did they let it happen? I started to question God for letting me experience this kind of situation. I questioned him for choosing my family rather than anyone who deserves this punishment. I thought that I was a worthless person, unworthy enough to be given a chance to experience what I crave.
It’s painful to reminisce about what happened in the past. At a very young age, I was slapped by the truth. The truth is that the family which I dearly love has been shattered.
There is nothing else I can do to bring it back even if I wanted to. I was just left crying in the corner like a child being lost in the midst of nowhere. Some would probably think their life is miserable or they would rebel against their loved ones. In worst cases, some would probably end their life. I was stuck in a moment where I have to choose between my mother and father. I must say that was the hardest thing I have to do. Why do I have to choose between them?
Of course, I was just young back then, I thought it was just a nightmare that never happened. But as I grew, I slowly accepted the fact that I will no longer witness having such a family which I long for. Important gatherings like family days, Christmas, New Year, Graduations, and even Sunday Masses made me feel incomplete. Family is supposed to celebrate these events together. I suppose to experience having my family to be present on Family days as well as in Sunday Masses. I supposed to have my complete family hanging out at the dining table during Christmas and New year’s celebrations. And most of all, I supposed to have my parents accompany me as I marched toward the stage to receive my award. But these were just part of my longings that never took place.
However, as I become more mature, I learned something that shed light on my purpose in this life. Despite what happened in my past, I never did something that would make my situation even worse. I still took the path toward righteousness instead of wasting my life just by having a broken family. I managed to perform well in my academics as well as in many other things despite the burden I carry throughout these years.
As the eldest son/sibling, I should be a role model for my siblings. My experiences became my motivation to continue chasing my dreams. I remained strong and became a foundation for my siblings. I made them my inspiration to still strive for success. Separately, my parents continued to support and guide me. They became my backbone to remain sturdy and stay still not just for them but for my siblings as well.
I thought I would lose my passion and determination to pursue my dreams. I was wrong. Instead, my will transformed into a burning fire ready to conquer anything. Even though I was not given a chance to experience the feeling of being loved by my family the way I wanted them to be, I was able to feel love from the people around me. I was able to feel the warmth of their care. A blessing in disguise and that is something that I’m grateful for.
Being strong does not always mean you can do anything. Being strong is something to be done whenever you are in a tough situation. Being strong is the ability to endure the pain for the people who are still there ready to show their love and support. If you suffer and can still fight, I can assure you that you can always overcome all the trials that will come in your life.
Life is not always the way you expected it to be. You just have to choose the right path and believe that you are still worthy, and capable enough regardless of having a bitter past. Cherish the moments you have with your family. Make the most out of it for not all experiences are the same. As the famous quote says, everything happens for a reason. I realized that after all the things that I’ve been through, God never left me. Instead, he used me to testify to the wonderful things I experienced as a son, as a student, and as a person.
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