Failures: A stepping stone to start over
You can only see the beauty of your pain and suffering when you are soaring. Of course, not all the people looking at you will see that, but you should expect yourself to do so because you experienced it first-hand.
I am not quite an achiever, but I make sure that I always exert effort in everything that I do. I am a happy-go-lucky person, but I am always anxious about my future. I am not into competition and being in the limelight because I feel awkward and shy when I am in that situation. I do all sorts of things just to become a better version of myself, but at some point, I still fail. Regardless of failing, and falling to the ground countless times, I still stand up straight and give a smile. These are the things that I do because I have a lot to disappoint. How about you?
I don’t intend to be emotional in my last column, but my pen keeps on writing things because I might not be able to write again when I face the world of reality. Honestly, I consider myself mediocre. I can do things, but I am not good or the best at any of them.
When I am trying to give my best effort in everything I do, I automatically anticipate that the outcome will be what I dream of, but sadly most of the time, I cannot achieve those. It is heartbreaking on my part, to question my capabilities and even my worth as a person.
There was this time when I went to a Sunday mass in our town. The homily strikes my inner self the most. The priest said that blaming starts when you give your best in everything you do but still fail. After that, he then highlighted that what we need to do is not to blame, not encourage, but challenge.
I can’t help but reflect on myself because blaming myself is what I am good at. I tend to rant and degrade myself in front of the mirror, telling myself that I am just mediocre, and asking myself when will be the time that I’ll be good at something else. It’s not healthy, I know, but it makes me feel a little better, at least just for a second.
With these thoughts I have, I am on the verge of giving up. I am already forgetting why I started doing this in the first place. Oddly, regardless of this thought, I still keep moving, even if my heart and mind can’t move. Just like the lyrics of the song, She will be loved by Maroon 5, “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along.”
On the other hand, I wonder how I can challenge myself if I am in that kind of situation? I asked that question to myself repeatedly as I went back home. I had already exhausted my mind trying to think of a possible way to challenge myself when I knew I had already given my best, but still, nothing came to my mind.
Maybe life knew that you could do more, that you hadn’t given your best yet. Remember that as time passes by, you are also growing, being equipped by the struggles of life as well as the things you are learning in other people’s lives.
Before, when I was in my teenage years, I wanted solutions immediately, so if you are disappointed with something, you can just shrug it away and continue or start over again. As I am going into adulthood, I realized that it is okay to feel gloomy if you are wounded and disappointed by the things happening in your life. It is okay to feel bad and cry out loud. Your sentiments and feelings are valid, and you deserve to mourn and grieve because you are a human after all.
It has dawned on me that failing is actually a stepping stone to starting over again. When everything you’ve worked hard for is failing, do not blame thus, you should challenge yourself to give another best shot to start over again. It may sound wrong and upsetting, but it is the reality. Starting over is one of my greatest fears because it is so sad that all my efforts were wasted on something that was not meant for me. Nonetheless, what matters most is the process and your experience during that failed desire because it can be used towards the things that are meant for you.
At the end of the day, always remember that life is what you perceive it to be. It differs from person to person. From my point of view, life may be exhausting, unfair, and gloomy, but you might have a different perspective on life. We all have unique experiences. Those experiences might somehow be similar, but the lesson is that your agony and experience differ.
I hope for the best in your future endeavors in life. I pray that you never lose sight of the importance of self-acceptance and learning to appreciate your value as a human being. Self-love is important, don’t you agree? Because in the end, you’ll come to know that the only person on earth that won’t leave you is yourself.
Soon enough, you’ll realize that the failures you have experienced in life will equip you for something better. When you are able to achieve your goals and aspirations in life, always keep in mind the sacrifices you made, your agony, and your failures, because they will make you realize that great things won’t come in just a snap.
